Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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