I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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