are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
