apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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