When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
