So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
