I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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