I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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