One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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