Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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