And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
