Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
