Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
