If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
