We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
