I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
