He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
