Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
