I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
