Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
