Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
