She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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