After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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