I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
