Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
bring money and cleavage
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
