That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
