I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
