You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize