I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the day after is always just damage control
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize