i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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