These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
