I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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