you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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