my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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