So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
