I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize