The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
