ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
