I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
