So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
