Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
