Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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