oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
