Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
