Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
