I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
