Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
