we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
