i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
