So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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