By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
