you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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