what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
