i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
