Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
