Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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