I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
