Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
