He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize