About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
