Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
