So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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