Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
