my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
