I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
