I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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