I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
