i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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