I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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